Moving On - Goodbye To The Skinny Jeans

Time for vulnerability post of the week ;) And it’s about our least fave topic – weight.  I think it is my biggest pet peeve and was one of my most significant battles.

I have this very clear memory of being in my early 20s, fitting nicely into a size 4 GAP jean and saying to my mom “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” and in hindsight that is true. At least for me.  I loved the way I felt when I was thin, energetic and had that feeling of weightlessness about me.  I adored clothes shopping because everything looked good.  I was in love with my form.

Fast forward 20 yrs and lord knows how many pounds heavier.  After my daughter was born I hovered around a size 10 for a long time and that was ok with me.  Then my illness decided to flare up with a bit of an attitude these past few years.  Exercise intolerance (ya, that’s a thing) is a huge factor in my everyday life. I am intolerant to working out (aren’t we all!) but this is actually a medical condition. When I exercise within about 1 hour I get extreme fatigue. A few hours later I feel as if I have the flu and by the next day I am bed ridden.  The most I can accomplish is a few minutes on my rebounder.  Plain and simple, it sucks.

In my 20s, exercise was the thing that kept me in shape all those years ago.  I was dedicated to my routine. Plus I had a good metabolism and eating plan.  I am now limited to stretching and a few yoga poses.  If I don’t do that then I can get really stiff and immobile.  My metabolism has essentially tanked. I don’t overeat but it seems anything that goes into my mouth heads straight for my hips.

I hover now anywhere from a size 14-16.  Oh but here’s the kicker.  I can’t wear anything tight on my body (I get rashes from anything that clings to me) so I always have to go a size up to feel comfy. Wide leg pants and loose flowy tops are now momma’s best friends.  Some days I feel dumpy but other days I feel pretty good in my own skin.  Weight isn’t as big of a deal to me as it used to be. I am who I am. And so it is.

If I could go back though to my old self would I tell her to not be so vain and focused on looks? Honestly, probably not.  I would tell her to really enjoy those days of looking and feeling fine cause wow, they are fleeting !

What keeps me smiling though are far more things now that I had in my younger years.  I have my wonderful family, a great income, a home, a paid off vehicle (yaaaay). Plus I take care of myself a lot more than I used to.  I baby myself and get plenty of rest. So though nothing may taste as good as skinny feels, a soft warm bed with clean sheets trumps a size 4 for me now any day!