Turning the Page

"To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together"
~The Byrds

Falling asleep the other night I was overcome with a feeling of gratitude even though I had a 102 fever and some of the worse chills I have ever experienced. This was flu #2 of the season and the latest one started just this past weekend…Thanksgiving weekend no less.  

My relaxing long weekend plans turned into devouring cold meds, staying hydrated and mummifying myself in 16 layers of blankets. 

Still, even though I was sick as a dog I was also incredibly happy and content.  My cat was snuggled up in bed with me, my senior doggie asleep on the pillows on the floor. My kids were sound asleep and our new puppy was snuggled up snoring away in my daughter’s arms too.  All was right with the world. The house was that blissful quiet that usually only comes in the middle of the night.

I am not sure where we come from, if there is a god or not, but I am was thankful that night to my Creator for this life I have, for these glorious children, the furry critters, my job, my home…even my chills because it meant I was alive.

I have found a deep and resounding peace in my life of late.  Let me back up a bit.  In mid-August of this year I separated from my partner.  People were oddly sympathetic when they found out, wishing me a speedy recovery (huh? I am not sick or sad) and even offering to drop off a casserole.  Ummm isn’t that what one offers during a time of grief? 

So I started reading about divorce and lo and behold, the common phases of grief are said to occur as a result of a divorce and the body and mind can relate to it the same way as one relates to the death of a loved one; regardless if you are the “dumper or dumpee”.

We are all different.  I say that from personal experience because I have not felt grief over this latest life change and trust me, I know grief.  Sure at the beginning I was a mixture of emotions but that faded quickly.  Now I am content, happy and excited about what the future holds for me.  

I have reconnected with my extended family, established new friendships, adopted an adorable puppy (which has me exercising like crazy) and I have a developed a sense of independence I have never had in my life before. I have always been that type of person that needed to be in a relationship.  No idea why..fear of being alone maybe or self-doubt that I couldn't handle the single life..who knows. But I grew out of that fear as I matured and learned to trust myself.  I knew it was time to move out of this current relationship and into a new and unexplored phase of life. I was ready. I am ready. No regrets.

Tonight , as I do every night, I was fall asleep to the sound of the quiet hum of the house and be thankful that I was granted another day on this beautiful earth, my home.